Saat ini jarum jam udah menunjukkan pukul 10 malem WJP (Waktu Jepang). Gue baru aja turun dari bis, dan pulang ke apartemen. Sambil berjalan, gue masih memikirkan kegiatan gue hari ini. Yup, hari ini gue seharian berada di National Youth Stadium, di Yoyogi Park, untuk sebuah kegiatan yang berjudul Ship for Southeast Asian Youth Program (SSEYAP), suatu kegiatan kapal pemuda ASEAN dan Jepang, yang berlayar selama kurang lebih 2 bulan dan singgah di negara ASEAN dan Jepang. Kebetulan tahun ini Cabinet Office selaku penyelenggara program SSEAYP menyelenggarakan SSEAYP Youth Summit di Yoyogi Park, suatu pertemuan yang terdiri dari program eksibisi, performance dan live interactive selama 1 hari penuh.
Kebetulan pula, untuk acara ini, ASEAN embassies di Tokyo diminta untuk mendukung delegasi masing2. Jadi, pagi ini, dengan berbekal barang2 kerajinan Indonesia sebagai display, audio visual untuk memutar DVD ttg Indonesia, plus 2 boneka ondel-ondel raksasa, berangkatlah gue beserta 3 teman2 dari embassy menuju Yoyogi Park untuk fully support kontingen Indonesia yang terdiri dari 28 adik2 dari berbagai propinsi di Indonesia.
Sesampainya kita di Yoyogi Park, kita langsung bongkar muat dan ngebantuin delegasi utk mempersiapkan stand eksibisi, sempet heboh juga nemenin salah satu delegasi yang udah panik karena alat2 cat untuk membatik-nya hilang entah kemana. Jadilah gue temenin delegasi itu untuk cari cat dsb ke Shibuya, untung di Shibuya kita ketemu semua alat yang dibutuhin.
Pembukaan summit dan performances seluruh delegasi dihadiri dan ditonton oleh Princess Kiko (ternyata princess ini juga mantan peserta kapal ASEAN 20 thn yang lalu) dan beberapa Duta Besar ASEAN dan pejabat Cabinet Office. Delegasi Indonesia membawakan lagu `Janger` dari Bali dan tarian Kecak dan tari Bali yang sudah dimodifikasi dan disesuaikan dengan iringan lagu `Shimokita` khas pulau Okinawa Jepang.
Perlu diakui, performance Indonesia memang indah dan bagus...Tariannya luwes dan benar2 mencerminkan Indonesia dengan `unity in diversity`-nya, dengan keahlian para penarinya yg bak penari profesional. Gue terpukau dengan penampilan itu, dan semua orang memberikan applause yang meriah, even Princess Kiko yang duduk di barisan depan...Its true, ketika elo berada di luar negeri, rasa nasionalisme yang sempat padam, menyala kembali ketika menyaksikan sebuah performance yang berkelas...
Setelah itu, gue beranjak menuju stand eksibisi yang sudah tertata rapi dan eye catching, terutama dengan 2 ondel-ondel raksasa kita. Di stand eksibisi pula, gue melihat adik2 dengan semangatnya menyebarkan brosur2 tentang Indonesia kepada orang2 Jepang dan menjelaskan display yg ada dengan memakai berbagai kostum khas Indonesia, even ada yang berkostum Hanoman lengkap dengan baju monyetnya dan gigi palsunya, seraya berlompat-lompat khas Hanoman yang menghibur pengunjung! Sungguh, gue terharu melihat adik2 itu....sungguh gue gak menyangka mereka sedemikian kerasnya berusaha untuk memberikan yang terbaik bagi Indonesia....
Ketika beranjak ke ruang untuk performance live interactive, gue semakin terharu...Adik2 dengan semangatnya mengajak seluruh penonton Jepang untuk berlatih tarian kecak, dan mendapat sambutan yang semakin meriah....Gue membayangkan, gila, mereka masih mempunyai waktu utk mempersiapkan semuanya di tengah2 padatnya jadwal mereka...
Melihat penampilan mereka, sempat gue merasa trenyuh....Lihat, future generation of Indonesian leaders (hopefully) bekerja dengan sangat keras untuk membawa nama baik Indonesia, dan membuat kami bangga...! Tidakkah para `so called` pejabat Indonesia yang super duper menyebalkan, melihat semua ini?? Dimana adik2 itu, dan kami, berjuang di luar negeri demi mempertahankan nama baik bangsa, sementara mereka `the so-called` pejabat didalam negeri sibuk dengan urusan masing-masing dan mabuk memperebutkan kekuasaan?? Its not fair, isnt it?? Kita sudah berusaha keras, namun, apakah selama ini usaha keras kita sudah dihargai, sudah diapresiasi?? Rasanya belum, dan gue yakin seyakin-yakinnya mereka akan tetap seperti itu, haus akan kekuasaan dan berantem antar sesama...Hmm...menyedihkan memang...dan gue gak tau kapan kondisi ini akan berakhir, sungguh gue gak tau...Rasanya gue pengen bilang....Look!!! Buka mata, buka hati....lihat sekeliling....!
Overall, keseluruhan acara telah berlangsung dengan sukses, kita berhasil membujuk pak Dubes untuk datang dan membuka stand eksibisi secara resmi dan memberikan support moral kepada adik-adik yang telah bekerja sedemikian keras...
Dan ketika hari telah sore, dan semua musti berakhir, setelah membereskan seluruh barang2 di stand Indonesia, gue dan temen-temen dari embassy mendadak dikelilingi oleh adik2 kontingen Indonesia, dan mereka membawakan yel-yel terima kasih kepada dengan kencangnya, yang disambung berbagai lagu khusus untuk kami....sungguh, ucapan tulus terima kasih dari mereka buat gue, amat teramat berharga, teramat berarti, bahkan apabila dibandingkan dengan ucapan terima kasih dari seorang presiden SBY....Sungguh....gue bahkan gak bisa berkata apa2..dan cuma bisa tertawa melihat tingkah mereka yang mengelilingi kami....
Hari ini gue merasa sangat puas dengan kerja keras kita...merasa sangat amat dihargai...merasa beruntung dan bangga menjadi orang Indonesia dengan segala keaneka ragaman dan keunikan kita.....
Yup, I am so proud being an Indonesian!
Monday, October 29, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Time to bid farewell
Hari ini gue sedih bgt...
Tadi pagi, one of my bestfriends and his family from embassy is leaving Tokyo for good..After serving the embassy for 31/2 years, its time for him to say goodbye to Japan, and go back to Indonesia to, again, work at the HQ for a couple of years while waiting for the next assignment..
Gue dan bbrp teman dari embassy tadi ikut nganterin ke Narita Airport...temen gue, dengan 2 anak kembarnya yg super lucu dan istrinya, terus2an bercandain kita yang masih tersisa di Tokyo...nggak lupa terakhirnya ngomong, 'ganbatte kudasai ne!' (terjemahan bebas: tetap berjuang!)...
Yep...terus berjuang, tetap berjuang, meski entah 'perjuangan' ini untuk apa...Untuk diri sendiri? Untuk bangsa dan negara? Untuk...? Hmm...there are many interpretations for that....One thing for sure, terus berjuang untuk tetap survive di dunia ini, dunia yang semakin membingungkan dan semakin tidak jelas..
Pagi ini, waktu untuk (kembali) bid a farewell, terulang kembali...entah untuk yang ke-berapa kalinya, I have lost my count....Sometimes I hate my job, terutama di saat2 seperti ini, truly, gue benci banget sama profesi gue, yang mengharuskan gue untuk selalu menangis dan selalu merasa kehilangan....Why there is always a goodbye in my line of duty?? Kenapa gue selalu harus melambaikan tangan untuk suatu perpisahan dengan seorang teman? Gue benci dengan the nature of my job yg seperti ini.....Gue benci karena setiap kali harus kehilangan teman, sahabat, kakak, adik, keponakan, dan gue benci karena harus menitikkan airmata perpisahan...
Akhirnya, di pagi yg mendung ini, dengan tatapan nanar, gue sekali lagi melepas kepergian seorang teman yang, entah kapan bisa bertemu kembali...
Tadi pagi, one of my bestfriends and his family from embassy is leaving Tokyo for good..After serving the embassy for 31/2 years, its time for him to say goodbye to Japan, and go back to Indonesia to, again, work at the HQ for a couple of years while waiting for the next assignment..
Gue dan bbrp teman dari embassy tadi ikut nganterin ke Narita Airport...temen gue, dengan 2 anak kembarnya yg super lucu dan istrinya, terus2an bercandain kita yang masih tersisa di Tokyo...nggak lupa terakhirnya ngomong, 'ganbatte kudasai ne!' (terjemahan bebas: tetap berjuang!)...
Yep...terus berjuang, tetap berjuang, meski entah 'perjuangan' ini untuk apa...Untuk diri sendiri? Untuk bangsa dan negara? Untuk...? Hmm...there are many interpretations for that....One thing for sure, terus berjuang untuk tetap survive di dunia ini, dunia yang semakin membingungkan dan semakin tidak jelas..
Pagi ini, waktu untuk (kembali) bid a farewell, terulang kembali...entah untuk yang ke-berapa kalinya, I have lost my count....Sometimes I hate my job, terutama di saat2 seperti ini, truly, gue benci banget sama profesi gue, yang mengharuskan gue untuk selalu menangis dan selalu merasa kehilangan....Why there is always a goodbye in my line of duty?? Kenapa gue selalu harus melambaikan tangan untuk suatu perpisahan dengan seorang teman? Gue benci dengan the nature of my job yg seperti ini.....Gue benci karena setiap kali harus kehilangan teman, sahabat, kakak, adik, keponakan, dan gue benci karena harus menitikkan airmata perpisahan...
Akhirnya, di pagi yg mendung ini, dengan tatapan nanar, gue sekali lagi melepas kepergian seorang teman yang, entah kapan bisa bertemu kembali...
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Bete!
Hmpphh...hari ini gue bete bgt....!! Gue kadang heran, kok gue mau2nya yah kerja disini...kadang heran, kok mau2nya yah jadi pegawai negeri, biar kata di deplu juga, tp tetep aja, musti berhadapan sama pejabat2 Indonesia yang menyebalkan dan bikin kepala pusing karena banyak permintaan...!
Gue kadang pengen nangis, pengen tereak kenceng2, pengen lari, pengen kabur, pengen...berhenti jadi PNS kalo kayak gini! Entah apa memang gue gak cocok jd PNS, entah karena sebenernya hati nurani gue gak pengen gue berada lebih lama di ruang lingkup ini....Atau mungkin, gue cuma sekedar bete aja hari ini, dan perasaan itu akan hilang dengan sendirinya nantinya...entahlah...
Tp kadang, gue merasa, I dont belong here....Gue memang mencapai cita2 gue, alhamdulillah, which is, jadi diplomat Indonesia...cita2 yang sejak kelas 5 SD udah gue pegang erat2....cita2 yang gak mudah diraih dan penuh perjuangan (baik fisik maupun mental)....cita2 yang...bikin gue tetap hidup dan berjuang sampai saat ini....
Jika gue someday, memutuskan untuk berhenti, dan keluar dari lingkungan ini, apakah gue akan sanggup? Apakah gue akan bisa melepas semuanya? Memang, being a diplomat is very tempting....Lo dapet semua kemudahan (especially when you are posted abroad), lo dihormati, lo dianggap sebagai bagian dari so-called 'high society' (kalo di Jepang, dibilangnya 'erai hito')...Tapi itu semua kadang, menurut gue, ya hanya sebagai paid off for what you have achieved so far...Terutama buat diplomat Indonesia, OK kita dihormatin dilingkungan counterpart, OK kita dianggap sebagai orang sukses, but in the terms of perlakuan sebuah departemen luar negeri ke pribadi elo sebagai seorang yg capable...hmmm...nanti dulu, there is no term such as stick and carrot....! Buat seorang yang capable, menurut gue, its better to be outside the system! Especially an Indonesian system!
Gue merasa, dengan gue bekerja sekarang, gue gak lebih sebagai seorang pembantu umum, sekretaris, 'party' planner, pembantu pejabat2 Indo (yg kebanyakan sucks), you name it lah...Gue gak merasa gue bekerja sebagai seorang diplomat, yang seharusnya melakukan diplomasi keluar, yang seharusnya mencari informasi sebanyak-banyaknya demi kepentingan negara Indonesia, yang seharusnya membuat network seluas-luasnya demi hal itu...
Yang ada, gue sekarang sering kali malu, kesal, bete, terhadap counterpart gue..Kenapa? Ya lagi2 karena kelakuan pejabat2 Indonesia yang memuakkan, yang sama sekali gak memikirkan kepentingan Indonesia (there is no term such as 'people's interest' yang ada hanya 'private interest')...Lagi2 semuanya kembali kepada kelakuan seorang (atau banyak orang) pejabat Indonesia yang hanya 'care' kepada kepentingannya dia dan kelompoknya (well, mungkin lebih kepada kepentingan pribadinya yah)....
Semakin gue berjalan, semakin gue melihat banyak kenistaan di kalangan mereka... Gue akui, gue juga bukan orang suci, bukan seorang saint yang dengan polosnya berjalan tanpa ada pretensi apa-apa, tanpa ada pamrih apa2...Tapi gue gak bisa tinggal diam, manakala gue membaca berita sedih tentang Indonesia, mungkin gue gak bisa berbuat apa2, tapi manakala gue membaca, gue ikut larut didalam penderitaan bangsa gue...Dan mungkin, ya mungkin, perasaan seperti ini yang membuat gue 'sane' sampai dengan detik ini...Dan mungkin, perasaan seperti ini yang membuat gue tetap gemas manakala berhadapan dengan pejabat-pejabat sontoloyo itu...
Gue gak tau sampai kapan gue akan tetap bertahan...dan kapan pertahanan gue itu runtuh...Only time will tell...
Gue kadang pengen nangis, pengen tereak kenceng2, pengen lari, pengen kabur, pengen...berhenti jadi PNS kalo kayak gini! Entah apa memang gue gak cocok jd PNS, entah karena sebenernya hati nurani gue gak pengen gue berada lebih lama di ruang lingkup ini....Atau mungkin, gue cuma sekedar bete aja hari ini, dan perasaan itu akan hilang dengan sendirinya nantinya...entahlah...
Tp kadang, gue merasa, I dont belong here....Gue memang mencapai cita2 gue, alhamdulillah, which is, jadi diplomat Indonesia...cita2 yang sejak kelas 5 SD udah gue pegang erat2....cita2 yang gak mudah diraih dan penuh perjuangan (baik fisik maupun mental)....cita2 yang...bikin gue tetap hidup dan berjuang sampai saat ini....
Jika gue someday, memutuskan untuk berhenti, dan keluar dari lingkungan ini, apakah gue akan sanggup? Apakah gue akan bisa melepas semuanya? Memang, being a diplomat is very tempting....Lo dapet semua kemudahan (especially when you are posted abroad), lo dihormati, lo dianggap sebagai bagian dari so-called 'high society' (kalo di Jepang, dibilangnya 'erai hito')...Tapi itu semua kadang, menurut gue, ya hanya sebagai paid off for what you have achieved so far...Terutama buat diplomat Indonesia, OK kita dihormatin dilingkungan counterpart, OK kita dianggap sebagai orang sukses, but in the terms of perlakuan sebuah departemen luar negeri ke pribadi elo sebagai seorang yg capable...hmmm...nanti dulu, there is no term such as stick and carrot....! Buat seorang yang capable, menurut gue, its better to be outside the system! Especially an Indonesian system!
Gue merasa, dengan gue bekerja sekarang, gue gak lebih sebagai seorang pembantu umum, sekretaris, 'party' planner, pembantu pejabat2 Indo (yg kebanyakan sucks), you name it lah...Gue gak merasa gue bekerja sebagai seorang diplomat, yang seharusnya melakukan diplomasi keluar, yang seharusnya mencari informasi sebanyak-banyaknya demi kepentingan negara Indonesia, yang seharusnya membuat network seluas-luasnya demi hal itu...
Yang ada, gue sekarang sering kali malu, kesal, bete, terhadap counterpart gue..Kenapa? Ya lagi2 karena kelakuan pejabat2 Indonesia yang memuakkan, yang sama sekali gak memikirkan kepentingan Indonesia (there is no term such as 'people's interest' yang ada hanya 'private interest')...Lagi2 semuanya kembali kepada kelakuan seorang (atau banyak orang) pejabat Indonesia yang hanya 'care' kepada kepentingannya dia dan kelompoknya (well, mungkin lebih kepada kepentingan pribadinya yah)....
Semakin gue berjalan, semakin gue melihat banyak kenistaan di kalangan mereka... Gue akui, gue juga bukan orang suci, bukan seorang saint yang dengan polosnya berjalan tanpa ada pretensi apa-apa, tanpa ada pamrih apa2...Tapi gue gak bisa tinggal diam, manakala gue membaca berita sedih tentang Indonesia, mungkin gue gak bisa berbuat apa2, tapi manakala gue membaca, gue ikut larut didalam penderitaan bangsa gue...Dan mungkin, ya mungkin, perasaan seperti ini yang membuat gue 'sane' sampai dengan detik ini...Dan mungkin, perasaan seperti ini yang membuat gue tetap gemas manakala berhadapan dengan pejabat-pejabat sontoloyo itu...
Gue gak tau sampai kapan gue akan tetap bertahan...dan kapan pertahanan gue itu runtuh...Only time will tell...
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Itoshi kimi e
This long holiday is spent by watching J-Dorama, setelah searching bbrp dorama, it turns out that I looove to see Fujiki Naohito...geez...ichiban kakkooii! He reminds me bout my hubby...ihik2 (pasti ge-er deeh kalo baca!), maksud gue, well, hmm.....his face is sooo yasashii, gentle, yet determine to achieve something that he wishes for...
So, I searched all Fujiki Naohito dorama, and found `Hotaru no Hikari`, `Love Revolution` and `Itoshi Kimi E` that I liked best...hmm...maybe `Hotaru no Hikari` ga ichiban daisuki da to omoun....coz his role as Bucchou (Manager) opposites Ayase Haruka as Hotaru is so perfect! Calm, charming, funny, kakkoi, all mixes up!
Dan ternyata, OST-nya dorama2 ini....bagus2 bangettt....dan semuanya mengingatkan gue sama, well, lagi2, hubby....how I miss him that much...dan gimana gue baru nyadar kalo ternyata selama ini...hmm....dia (unselfish-ly), selalu berusaha memberikan yang terbaik buat gue....dan gimana dia..hmm...selalu mengajarkan gue hal-hal baru yang gak pernah gue tau sebelumnya, but I always take them for granted....Gimana dia mengajarkan gue hal-hal baru, tp gue-nya seringkali cuek, gak peduli, gak mo susah, gak mo Ganbatteeee!
Fotografi, ngutak ngatik elektronik, learning Japanese....theyre only few of them yang hubby ajarin ke gue....out of so many things.....Waktu blum sekolah ke Niigata, gue sangat2 bergantung ke dia dalam segala hal...males ngutak-ngatik elektronik, males ngomong bhs Jepang sm dia (ribet, menurut gue), sometimes pura-pura ngerti aja kalo pas dia lagi megang kamera-nya n pengen ngajarin gue biar gue bisa jg (lagi2, ribet, menurut gue)...
Dan sekarang...
beneran, baru kerasa...gimana gue kehilangan dia, gimana gue mau belajar sama dia..gimana gue, pengen selalu dia ada disamping gue...gimana gue, well, of course, gak mau sendirian disini..hehe..
Dan sekarang...
Gimana gue harus struggle sendiri dengan bhs Jepang gue utk bisa survive di Tokyo, gimana gue pengennn bgt ngambil gambar2 yang lebih bagus lagi dengan kamera gue, gimana gue seringkali pengen nangis kalo ada sesuatu yg rusak di rumah (gak bisa betulin!), gimana gue, well, jadi turun berat badan 2 kg sejak dia pergi...
Dan sekarang...
Gue harus Ganbatte!! Gue harus selalu berusaha...Gue gak boleh take them for granted lagi! Gue musti bisa...dan gue...hmm...gue baru nyadar kalo gue tuh, hmmm....Yappari, Atri no koto, ichiban, ichiban daisuki desu!!! Atri san no koto....aishiteru yo.....!
Barusan...
Gue lagi denger lagu-nya Miho Karasawa `Way to Love`, OST-nya Love Revolution, dan gue seneeenggg bgt karena pelan2, gue udah bisa mengerti artinya....dan ternyata lagu itu, indah banget...deskripsi Miho ttg arti `how to be in love` sangat bermakna, at least buat gue..
Gue telepon Atri, mo ngasih tau kalo gue udah ngerti lagu Miho Karasawa, dan begitu Atri angkat telepon, gue langsung bilang...
`ima kimi ni aitai yo... (I want to see you now)
`ashita matte ga nante, okashii ne... (I know its so selfish, aneh yah?)
`akegata no sora nagamete tashikameteiru kitto (the more I look up the sky)
`watashi koi ni ochiteku tochuu (the more Im sure Im falling in love)
(terjemahan bebas)
Atri langsung bilang, itu lagu-nya Miho Karasawa yah? Hihihi...ternyata dia ngeh bgt...dan gue dengan semangatnya langsung bilang `gue dah ngerti artinya! Indah yah..?` Atri langsung jawab...`yappari....meidychan no nihon go ga jouzu ni narun da...` Dan ternyata, dulu Atri pernah ngasih lagu itu buat gue (well, wkt kita lagi tsukiate), dan tnyt gue-nya gak nyadar! hahahaha!
Akhirnya...
Kita berdua ngobrol ttg lagu itu, gue tanya2 arti kalimat2 yg gak ngerti ke dia, dia bantu gue (as always), padahal pas gue telepon dia ternyata lagi tidur (dan bangun utk ngangkat telepon gue...), dan....abis gue ngerti isi lagu `Way to Love`, Atri bilang `udah ngerti kan? yaudah, aku tidur lagi yah...jam 2 bangunin yah...musti ngerjain tugas..`As always, he always spares his time (even his precious time, sleeping) for me.....atashi no tame...
Yappari....Atri no koto ga ichiban suki desu yo....
So, I searched all Fujiki Naohito dorama, and found `Hotaru no Hikari`, `Love Revolution` and `Itoshi Kimi E` that I liked best...hmm...maybe `Hotaru no Hikari` ga ichiban daisuki da to omoun....coz his role as Bucchou (Manager) opposites Ayase Haruka as Hotaru is so perfect! Calm, charming, funny, kakkoi, all mixes up!
Dan ternyata, OST-nya dorama2 ini....bagus2 bangettt....dan semuanya mengingatkan gue sama, well, lagi2, hubby....how I miss him that much...dan gimana gue baru nyadar kalo ternyata selama ini...hmm....dia (unselfish-ly), selalu berusaha memberikan yang terbaik buat gue....dan gimana dia..hmm...selalu mengajarkan gue hal-hal baru yang gak pernah gue tau sebelumnya, but I always take them for granted....Gimana dia mengajarkan gue hal-hal baru, tp gue-nya seringkali cuek, gak peduli, gak mo susah, gak mo Ganbatteeee!
Fotografi, ngutak ngatik elektronik, learning Japanese....theyre only few of them yang hubby ajarin ke gue....out of so many things.....Waktu blum sekolah ke Niigata, gue sangat2 bergantung ke dia dalam segala hal...males ngutak-ngatik elektronik, males ngomong bhs Jepang sm dia (ribet, menurut gue), sometimes pura-pura ngerti aja kalo pas dia lagi megang kamera-nya n pengen ngajarin gue biar gue bisa jg (lagi2, ribet, menurut gue)...
Dan sekarang...
beneran, baru kerasa...gimana gue kehilangan dia, gimana gue mau belajar sama dia..gimana gue, pengen selalu dia ada disamping gue...gimana gue, well, of course, gak mau sendirian disini..hehe..
Dan sekarang...
Gimana gue harus struggle sendiri dengan bhs Jepang gue utk bisa survive di Tokyo, gimana gue pengennn bgt ngambil gambar2 yang lebih bagus lagi dengan kamera gue, gimana gue seringkali pengen nangis kalo ada sesuatu yg rusak di rumah (gak bisa betulin!), gimana gue, well, jadi turun berat badan 2 kg sejak dia pergi...
Dan sekarang...
Gue harus Ganbatte!! Gue harus selalu berusaha...Gue gak boleh take them for granted lagi! Gue musti bisa...dan gue...hmm...gue baru nyadar kalo gue tuh, hmmm....Yappari, Atri no koto, ichiban, ichiban daisuki desu!!! Atri san no koto....aishiteru yo.....!
Barusan...
Gue lagi denger lagu-nya Miho Karasawa `Way to Love`, OST-nya Love Revolution, dan gue seneeenggg bgt karena pelan2, gue udah bisa mengerti artinya....dan ternyata lagu itu, indah banget...deskripsi Miho ttg arti `how to be in love` sangat bermakna, at least buat gue..
Gue telepon Atri, mo ngasih tau kalo gue udah ngerti lagu Miho Karasawa, dan begitu Atri angkat telepon, gue langsung bilang...
`ima kimi ni aitai yo... (I want to see you now)
`ashita matte ga nante, okashii ne... (I know its so selfish, aneh yah?)
`akegata no sora nagamete tashikameteiru kitto (the more I look up the sky)
`watashi koi ni ochiteku tochuu (the more Im sure Im falling in love)
(terjemahan bebas)
Atri langsung bilang, itu lagu-nya Miho Karasawa yah? Hihihi...ternyata dia ngeh bgt...dan gue dengan semangatnya langsung bilang `gue dah ngerti artinya! Indah yah..?` Atri langsung jawab...`yappari....meidychan no nihon go ga jouzu ni narun da...` Dan ternyata, dulu Atri pernah ngasih lagu itu buat gue (well, wkt kita lagi tsukiate), dan tnyt gue-nya gak nyadar! hahahaha!
Akhirnya...
Kita berdua ngobrol ttg lagu itu, gue tanya2 arti kalimat2 yg gak ngerti ke dia, dia bantu gue (as always), padahal pas gue telepon dia ternyata lagi tidur (dan bangun utk ngangkat telepon gue...), dan....abis gue ngerti isi lagu `Way to Love`, Atri bilang `udah ngerti kan? yaudah, aku tidur lagi yah...jam 2 bangunin yah...musti ngerjain tugas..`As always, he always spares his time (even his precious time, sleeping) for me.....atashi no tame...
Yappari....Atri no koto ga ichiban suki desu yo....
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
A little thought of myself
Found something that I wrote a long time ago, on 2004 I think, I dont remember why I wrote this, but apparently this is my true feeling and thoughts for what I have become..:)
hmm....life is soo....i dont know how to say it...sometimes u are up for it...but sometimes u arent...the clock is almost reaching the stroke of midnight...and here i am...with my mind drifted away...n my feeling is not there...sometimes...i picture myself as someone who always try to be nice to everyone...who always dont want to fail everyone...who want everyone to see me as a....happy one...!
well....what lies beneath me is not always the one that everyone see in my everyday life....i can be so unperfect...so unkind....so.....careless....i always put high hopes on everyone, that everyone is the same...that they are always kind, and nice....that they will never fail me....
but what comes in reality is the contrary...i've been hurt...been broken hearted....been torn apart....n they come as a result of my willingness to always put high hopes on everyone...and of course, in the end, i am dissapointed when things turn out different than I thought...
i listen, i laugh, i care, i cry, i go along with people, i feel what they feel, and i do hope that they feel me too....but it wont always go to that direction....sometimes i fall....
i shouldnt put too much hope on everything....just....be as i wish to be....not to put too many things in it....i still listen, i still laugh, i still care, i still cry....i...still go along with people....but, i want now to be different....i want to be me....i want to be.....not what i used to be.....i want to.....just being myself...without so much concern to others.....can I do it? or should I do it?
those questions are really up to me....i just...dont want to be hurt anymore.....
one said that what influence u is ur surroundings....ur family....ur friends....well, ever since my early days without my father's presence, i've been there to always make my little brother happy....i've been taught to always put my happy smile...i've been taught to always comfort him, just to make him feel safe being with me...that i always be there for him...for years i've been doing that....n for years i've been keeping all my sadness with me....
well, friends are always there though...but i could not burden them with my sadness...hmm...its me who always be there for them...dont put ur sad face in front of them....that is what I always said to myself....no matter how hard it is...how painful it is...u can always smile, n say, hey, u are better than anyone else....!
i've been running, and running, and keeping all inside me.....sometimes it comes out, sometimes it doesnt....and sometimes, when I am sad....I am back to being a 12 year old girl who was holding my little brother n said, 'ssh...dont cry...dont cry....i am here...' as I put my happy smile just to sooth him....
as everything turns out to be better, sometimes I feel like running...and bringing all my misery with me....I dont want to share it to everyone...! its my own misery, and its me who is responsible for that....but then I realize...should I run...and run....and run.....and never find the answer?sometimes, tears are just easily flowing on my cheeck...whenever i am sad....whenever i am in a deep pain....whenever.....maybe i can be called a cry baby....but....as for me....crying is the only way to release myself....to release the pain....the sadness...i dont want to cry again...but i cant help it...what should I do? should I just run...and run....and run,...? and try to forget everything...? can I do that? is it good? is it....better?
still dont know the answer....and what is written in the blue moon...maybe it is the only answer....
urasa, november 2004
That is exactly what my thoughts are lately...I've been hurt...been dissapointed, but still, I am trying to be nice..still trying to be, well, a door mat, a push-over...Hmm..I dont want to feel that way anymore...I dont want to be a door mat, its not nice..Even though it maybe looks nice to someone, but it only hurts me, little by little, pieces by pieces...I've been torn apart, but I wont let myself torn again...
I maybe nice, I maybe a caring person...but I had to have that courage to speak up for myself, I have to dare myself not to that caring to others, especially to those who, well, dont really care for me..People says, it takes two to tango...Well, I might as well say that to myself too...It takes two to carry out relations, a friendship...and its not just your own efforts to make it right...to be carried out..
Its not easy though, especially for someone like me...for a person who can not say 'no'...well, I have to learn though...little by little, step by step...until the day that I can say 'no' to someone..
hmm....life is soo....i dont know how to say it...sometimes u are up for it...but sometimes u arent...the clock is almost reaching the stroke of midnight...and here i am...with my mind drifted away...n my feeling is not there...sometimes...i picture myself as someone who always try to be nice to everyone...who always dont want to fail everyone...who want everyone to see me as a....happy one...!
well....what lies beneath me is not always the one that everyone see in my everyday life....i can be so unperfect...so unkind....so.....careless....i always put high hopes on everyone, that everyone is the same...that they are always kind, and nice....that they will never fail me....
but what comes in reality is the contrary...i've been hurt...been broken hearted....been torn apart....n they come as a result of my willingness to always put high hopes on everyone...and of course, in the end, i am dissapointed when things turn out different than I thought...
i listen, i laugh, i care, i cry, i go along with people, i feel what they feel, and i do hope that they feel me too....but it wont always go to that direction....sometimes i fall....
i shouldnt put too much hope on everything....just....be as i wish to be....not to put too many things in it....i still listen, i still laugh, i still care, i still cry....i...still go along with people....but, i want now to be different....i want to be me....i want to be.....not what i used to be.....i want to.....just being myself...without so much concern to others.....can I do it? or should I do it?
those questions are really up to me....i just...dont want to be hurt anymore.....
one said that what influence u is ur surroundings....ur family....ur friends....well, ever since my early days without my father's presence, i've been there to always make my little brother happy....i've been taught to always put my happy smile...i've been taught to always comfort him, just to make him feel safe being with me...that i always be there for him...for years i've been doing that....n for years i've been keeping all my sadness with me....
well, friends are always there though...but i could not burden them with my sadness...hmm...its me who always be there for them...dont put ur sad face in front of them....that is what I always said to myself....no matter how hard it is...how painful it is...u can always smile, n say, hey, u are better than anyone else....!
i've been running, and running, and keeping all inside me.....sometimes it comes out, sometimes it doesnt....and sometimes, when I am sad....I am back to being a 12 year old girl who was holding my little brother n said, 'ssh...dont cry...dont cry....i am here...' as I put my happy smile just to sooth him....
as everything turns out to be better, sometimes I feel like running...and bringing all my misery with me....I dont want to share it to everyone...! its my own misery, and its me who is responsible for that....but then I realize...should I run...and run....and run.....and never find the answer?sometimes, tears are just easily flowing on my cheeck...whenever i am sad....whenever i am in a deep pain....whenever.....maybe i can be called a cry baby....but....as for me....crying is the only way to release myself....to release the pain....the sadness...i dont want to cry again...but i cant help it...what should I do? should I just run...and run....and run,...? and try to forget everything...? can I do that? is it good? is it....better?
still dont know the answer....and what is written in the blue moon...maybe it is the only answer....
urasa, november 2004
That is exactly what my thoughts are lately...I've been hurt...been dissapointed, but still, I am trying to be nice..still trying to be, well, a door mat, a push-over...Hmm..I dont want to feel that way anymore...I dont want to be a door mat, its not nice..Even though it maybe looks nice to someone, but it only hurts me, little by little, pieces by pieces...I've been torn apart, but I wont let myself torn again...
I maybe nice, I maybe a caring person...but I had to have that courage to speak up for myself, I have to dare myself not to that caring to others, especially to those who, well, dont really care for me..People says, it takes two to tango...Well, I might as well say that to myself too...It takes two to carry out relations, a friendship...and its not just your own efforts to make it right...to be carried out..
Its not easy though, especially for someone like me...for a person who can not say 'no'...well, I have to learn though...little by little, step by step...until the day that I can say 'no' to someone..
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Pagi-pagi udah bete...
Geez...so much for ruining my day..!
Amy YM me this morning, and she said she was at home, and we chatted and she said..'Mei, I havent received your present, and my omiyage from Netta!' Wtf?? I mean, c'mon, its been, almost 2 months since Netta received that from Anny..!
At first I asked Amy, ' Really, have u tried to call her, or sms her?', she said, 'yes, but she never answers the phone nor does she answer the sms'..So, Amy was just left alone in the dark, not knowing what happened to her presents..
But what made me got bete was....Amy asked me to find a Neko Basu--the character from our favorite film 'Totoro'--she really loves it, and its very expensive in Jakarta...so, at that time I went to several toy stores in Tokyo to find her Neko Basu...I mean, its Amy, and shes my bestfriend, of course I will look for something she likes, hence she especially requested it from me...
I got that Neko Basu, and it cost around 3000 yen something, so, to make it easy I just said to Amy its 240 thousand rupiah...And what made me felt worse this morning was...she has paid it to Anny, on time, and Anny has given it to my mom....(as I've told her to)! And it was already a long time ago....
That is why, I got so so angry with Netta, and felt sorry for Amy, I mean...c'mon, is it so hard for you to answer in one single short phone conversation?? Or, is it so hard for you to just jot few words on your keypad to send sms (the simple thing that u can do almost anytime, even when you sit down on your toilet, trying to do ur number 2..I often do that)
So, I YM-ed Netta and I asked her to give Amy the gift ASAP, well, my message is a little bit harsh I think, but I was so angry with her...I mean, its not the first time she did something like this...and if she really cares for her friend, she wont behave this way...If she's like this, well, I can assume that, she ACTS AS IF SHE CARES, while in fact, shes not..
I dont have to mention how many times she has dissapointed me...in many occasions, I still can stand it then, and I consider its just a plain, forgivable thing that can easily forgotten...but now, I think I've had enough..
Well, she sent me an email though, saying that she's absolutely busy...yeah rite...I mean, I WANT TO BELIEVE HER....really....but I CANT...I lost my trust on her...If you can say you are absolutely busy, then, how come you still could updated your Facebook (a Friendster kind of thing) for the whole day, still could go somewhere to eat, still did something you like, but couldnt call your friend and tell her sorry that she doesnt have that much time to give it to her? I am sure her friend will understand...
One more thing, I'VE NEVER SAID I AM ABSOLUTELY BUSY..as I recalled...yeah, sometimes I say I am really busy...hmm...maybe an absolute busy is...as for me...during the visit of the President of RI to Japan, yeah...but then again, oh well, its only for, 3 or 4 days maybe?
Well, anyway, still my feeling towards her is not as I used to have before...mind you, I dont feel that 'closeness' again, as I feel to my other friends...even though we rarely meet, let alone chat, or talk on the phone (so damn expensive from here to Jakarta!)..However, with my other friends, I still can relate myself...I still feel an ease...I still...KNOW them...
I dont know...I hope my feeling will soon change...I dont want to feel this way...I have experienced like this before with Pema, but as for Pema, she always cares for me, I can sense that....Eventhough at that time I was being such a pain in the ass (I hate her bf-now-husband), she didnt change, of course at that time she's so head over heels fallin for him, but she didnt forget us, I and other friends, she spared her time here and there...I know its tiring, and I know its not easy to hear all the judgements and all the critics for her bf, but she's there....she laughed with us...she enjoyed our companion (and of course, she left early for him), she's always be there for us...that is why I and Pema cried so much like a children lose their toys, during our farewell bid (on the phone, mind you! coz at that time I was absolutely busy, yes, I think its appropriate to use 'absolutely' since on that days after graduation I went crazy here and there, took care of everything up to find a real buyer for our car!)
So, at first I thought Pema and Netta is similar, but, then again, they're totally different...I must say...
I do hope my feeling will be healed soon...
Amy YM me this morning, and she said she was at home, and we chatted and she said..'Mei, I havent received your present, and my omiyage from Netta!' Wtf?? I mean, c'mon, its been, almost 2 months since Netta received that from Anny..!
At first I asked Amy, ' Really, have u tried to call her, or sms her?', she said, 'yes, but she never answers the phone nor does she answer the sms'..So, Amy was just left alone in the dark, not knowing what happened to her presents..
But what made me got bete was....Amy asked me to find a Neko Basu--the character from our favorite film 'Totoro'--she really loves it, and its very expensive in Jakarta...so, at that time I went to several toy stores in Tokyo to find her Neko Basu...I mean, its Amy, and shes my bestfriend, of course I will look for something she likes, hence she especially requested it from me...
I got that Neko Basu, and it cost around 3000 yen something, so, to make it easy I just said to Amy its 240 thousand rupiah...And what made me felt worse this morning was...she has paid it to Anny, on time, and Anny has given it to my mom....(as I've told her to)! And it was already a long time ago....
That is why, I got so so angry with Netta, and felt sorry for Amy, I mean...c'mon, is it so hard for you to answer in one single short phone conversation?? Or, is it so hard for you to just jot few words on your keypad to send sms (the simple thing that u can do almost anytime, even when you sit down on your toilet, trying to do ur number 2..I often do that)
So, I YM-ed Netta and I asked her to give Amy the gift ASAP, well, my message is a little bit harsh I think, but I was so angry with her...I mean, its not the first time she did something like this...and if she really cares for her friend, she wont behave this way...If she's like this, well, I can assume that, she ACTS AS IF SHE CARES, while in fact, shes not..
I dont have to mention how many times she has dissapointed me...in many occasions, I still can stand it then, and I consider its just a plain, forgivable thing that can easily forgotten...but now, I think I've had enough..
Well, she sent me an email though, saying that she's absolutely busy...yeah rite...I mean, I WANT TO BELIEVE HER....really....but I CANT...I lost my trust on her...If you can say you are absolutely busy, then, how come you still could updated your Facebook (a Friendster kind of thing) for the whole day, still could go somewhere to eat, still did something you like, but couldnt call your friend and tell her sorry that she doesnt have that much time to give it to her? I am sure her friend will understand...
One more thing, I'VE NEVER SAID I AM ABSOLUTELY BUSY..as I recalled...yeah, sometimes I say I am really busy...hmm...maybe an absolute busy is...as for me...during the visit of the President of RI to Japan, yeah...but then again, oh well, its only for, 3 or 4 days maybe?
Well, anyway, still my feeling towards her is not as I used to have before...mind you, I dont feel that 'closeness' again, as I feel to my other friends...even though we rarely meet, let alone chat, or talk on the phone (so damn expensive from here to Jakarta!)..However, with my other friends, I still can relate myself...I still feel an ease...I still...KNOW them...
I dont know...I hope my feeling will soon change...I dont want to feel this way...I have experienced like this before with Pema, but as for Pema, she always cares for me, I can sense that....Eventhough at that time I was being such a pain in the ass (I hate her bf-now-husband), she didnt change, of course at that time she's so head over heels fallin for him, but she didnt forget us, I and other friends, she spared her time here and there...I know its tiring, and I know its not easy to hear all the judgements and all the critics for her bf, but she's there....she laughed with us...she enjoyed our companion (and of course, she left early for him), she's always be there for us...that is why I and Pema cried so much like a children lose their toys, during our farewell bid (on the phone, mind you! coz at that time I was absolutely busy, yes, I think its appropriate to use 'absolutely' since on that days after graduation I went crazy here and there, took care of everything up to find a real buyer for our car!)
So, at first I thought Pema and Netta is similar, but, then again, they're totally different...I must say...
I do hope my feeling will be healed soon...
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Prime Minister ABE Stepped out Today
I just finished my lunch, when my boss rang me in my cell...He`s outside the office with the ambassador, and got a news that Japanese PM, Shinzo Abe has resigned from the office due to sort of things, which is one of them is the strong opposition from the DPJ--opposition as well as ruling party in the House of Councillors--to the Abe`s plan of extending Japan`s logistic support for antiterrorism operations in Afghanistan.
So, here I am, trying to make a report from scratch, that my boss told me to do...But what amazed me is, how fast a political situation changes from minute to minute, from hour to hour, from day to day...And I feel so lucky that I am here, to witness all important events happen in Japan...from the election of PM Abe, as the youngest Japanese PM who was born postwar period, until his resignation....All happen in just one year, and dont forget, in 2006, we also had Miss Japan to be crowned as Miss Universe after a long, long time...
So, I was thinking, why wouldnt I make a caleidoskop, for myself, as a record for what has happened during my post here...
Ok then, lets start...!
So, here I am, trying to make a report from scratch, that my boss told me to do...But what amazed me is, how fast a political situation changes from minute to minute, from hour to hour, from day to day...And I feel so lucky that I am here, to witness all important events happen in Japan...from the election of PM Abe, as the youngest Japanese PM who was born postwar period, until his resignation....All happen in just one year, and dont forget, in 2006, we also had Miss Japan to be crowned as Miss Universe after a long, long time...
So, I was thinking, why wouldnt I make a caleidoskop, for myself, as a record for what has happened during my post here...
Ok then, lets start...!
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